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the resolution half-way point CHECK IN.

May 31, 2011

a while back (NEW YEARS EVE WOWZERS) i wrote an impromptu post about new year’s resolutions. as most of you know, i really hate new years eve. it’s a high pressure situation that usually leads to disappointment. there is far too much pressure on people to have the “best night of their liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife” and then when that night doesn’t happen everyone just feels like crap. i’ve had about two or three new years nights that i would call “good” or better.

that’s why this year i wanted to focus more on day to day stuff. and i made a billion ridiculous (RIDICULOUS) resolutions, and i haven’t really looked at them or thought about them until today. (yikes). and i’ve found the old post, as linked above, and i’m about to copy and paste the resolutions and evaluate how i’ve been doing.

the resolutions are as follows in italics, and the bold writing beside them – those are my thoughts, six months later.

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go to burning man. —> this one is coming close to fruition. i have the ticket for BM, and the bus booked. god willing, i’m there. and this is the resolution i’m most proud of.

grow my hair long enough to tie scarves into, to braid feathers in. —> getting there. i have feathered shoes now. does that count? my hair is ridiculous. i had forgotten what it was like to have long hair. i routinely look like a crazy person because i rarely style it.

play clarinet once onstage again. perhaps even with a gypsy punk band if shit shapes up. —> no. this hasn’t happened. i didn’t even bring my clarinet out with me to BC after i was in toronto for a week in april. but i saw mark’s band and i would consider it if they ever needed a back up clarinetist. still, the thought makes me want to vomit in fear. work to go here, obviously.

do karaoke without the need of alcohol. —> uh, no. i really don’t like singing in public, and i can count on one hand how many times i’ve done karaoke (twice, and one time i sang on stage with a cover band at a pub. not great). maybe this could happen at burning man.

think locally, fuck globally. —> think locally? i’ve at least done that. there is something about vancouver that is just appealing to me more and more every day. it’s scaring me a little bit.

polka in public, not just at malanka. —> at first i was like aw man i didn’t do this one and it’s so easy, but i DID do it! julian and i polka-d our brains out at a lemon bucket show, and i wore a crinoline to boot.

do an unassisted headstand. —> no. getting there. my yoga practice is consistently stronger, and i’m seeing changes in my body that i was not expecting, but my upper body and my core are nowhere near being strong enough to do a headstand without the support of a wall or another person.

decide on my next travel location. (germany? norway? sweden? morocco? russia?) —> i guess technically this would be san francisco and then nevada. not exactly jet-setty, but i’m a starving student.

have more sex and be less uptight about it. —> er… getting there!

free my throat chakra so the heart will follow. —> chakras are blinging! there is always work to do but all is well.

read many more books (everything is illuminated, the age of innocence, ascension, harperland, queer london, bowie in berlin, the bible.) —> yes, i’ve finally kicked my own ass back into reading. i just ripped through peter pan and now i’m working on lolita. the age of innocence is still languishing in my knapsack. one day. one day. and since i’m commuting this summer, i have a feeling that i will be reading a lot more on the skytrain.

buy books of poetry in anticipation of when the books go out of print in favour of the kindle. —> done and DONE. 

dance down the street at least once with my earphones in, uncaring of people staring. —> nope. do i have to do this sober? or can i be influenced by something? dancing in public is a scary thing for me. on a very base level i’m not necessarily the most connected to my body – yoga helps but i still get self-conscious of movement. will work on this one.

try another instrument to see if the lateral musical mind truly exists. —> i obviously need to make friends with someone who owns instruments!

have a dance floor make out. (truth: i have never had a DFMO.) —> i think i over-estimated how many dance floors i’d be on. (answer: none since then!) i don’t go out dancing to “clubs” often. (if ever). but maybe i could make it a mosh pit DFMO. i feel like this one is doable.

get a raven to eat from my windowsill with the window open. —> YES! in fact, i had three ravens (crows? i can’t distinguish) on my fire escape the other day with the window wide open and me watching them. they are skittish little buggers but they are so funny.

 

 

do mdma. —> no…. but i still have .. burning… man.

pierce something new. —> i actually considered this for a while. i really wanted to put a hoop in my nose – it’s not the pain or the aftercare that intimidates me (that’s the fun part) but rather… well, everyone and their dog is getting a nose ring nowadays. so i held off. i’ll pierce myself again when piercings become less cool.

finish my bloody thesis and finish it goooooooooooddddddd. —> GETTING THERE GETTING THERE. finished a new and (mostly) re-written draft of the thing. 17th draft so far over two years. will finish.

consider taking a welding course. —> well, i’ve considered it. if i (ever) finish this MFA, welding is a possibility. 

attend a milonga that karen has tried to get me to do before and actually try dancing in front of someone. (major fear, to dance in public.) —> NO. dancing in public – we went over this. i need to do this.

sketch out a tattoo with ravens. —> i can’t draw.

wear feathers and quartz. —> funnily enough, i forgot about this res, and then a few weeks ago bought a rutilated quartz necklace and a pair of feathered shoes. so YES.

submit my pieces to publications for once. —> YES! since january i have had three poems published in two publications, and i have many many more pending.

go fishing again and fillet well. —> DAMMIT NO. 

give less of a fuck. be bolder than i have ever been. have the energy and the anger to tell people – to their faces – when they are hurting me, offending me, saying the wrong thing, and feel good about it and my agency. be an agent, not a patient. refuse passivity. submit submit submit in more ways than once. try to roll with it. be rude and be open. make men bend to the will of the redheaded green eyed. be compassionate. listen. —> er, this is a broad one. yes to the listening. yes to rude, to rolling with it, to agency and refusing passivity. yes to standing up for myself. yes to being bolder. 

plan less. kiss more. YES!

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oh my god i made a lot of resolutions. what the H was i thinking? i still have 6 months and i better get my rear in gear!

 

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