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if it don’t fit, don’t force it / you can grease it, make it easy.

April 10, 2011

i’ll have you know that the above title are the original lyrics to little richard’s “tutti frutti” (the first rock and roll song i ever heard – because it was featured in the brave little toaster, which i was scarily obsessed with as a kid. i liked Lampy the best. duh). “tutti frutti” started out as a slick, dirty song that little richard used to sing in gay bars! amazing. and let me say that the words also originally went “tutti frutti, loose booty.” oh. yes. oh. YES.

 

"all rooty."

 

anyway, i was going to write i’m not one who forces something but then i re-evaluated that. yeah, i force shit. i like to control. yeah, it’s one of my ticks. i like to have my finger on the pulse. i guess that forcing and control can go hand in hand. because sometimes i want to force situations – like nights out or parties. i like to be able to control lots of aspects.

but i’m talking about forcing writing, which is something completely different. and forcing writing is something i want to get other people’s opinions on.

right now i’m in a race of sorts to finish my thesis. (yuck.) and as of late i’ve been hating on this thesis. just hating on it. im sick of it. i am SICK of my stupid ass characters. i hate the way im writing. i want to work on my other novel-length pieces. i want to write poetry. i want to graduate and get this degree and get the hell out of dodge. it’s a phase – i know it’s a phase – but it’s a tough phase to be in. it’s not really a form of writer’s block because i can write, i just sure as hell do NOT want to.

i want to be finished by august, but at the rate i’m going… i’m just not sure. i wanted to finish my most recent draft by the end of march, and that obviously didn’t happen, since i’m only about 65% finished this draft at the moment. and it’s my fault. it’s my fault because i have been so lazy and so apathetic and so goddamned blah about this thesis as of late.

it’s a weird thing, you know. being completely responsible for yourself and your thesis. no one else to tell you what to do or when to do it. all self-imposed deadlines, really. it’s bizarre and scary and exciting and possibly good training for becoming a writer later on in life.

but i need to be motivated. sometimes i wish i had a big blond man with a rattan cane standing over me, so whenever i try to go lie down on my couch he could smack me one. or maybe i need a shock collar. or to be waterboarded. or just given a big hug. i need to be recharged. i don’t know if that means a change of scenery, or a love affair, or going on an adventure to try and shake my brain cells around and get the electricity shooting through my axons again.

how can i re-spark my original love for my thesis? i visited ireland. i have thesis-writing playlists. i’ve tried writing in coffee shops (ugh.), libraries, my apartment, the department. how can i write and not force it? how can i nail down the muse?

 

i guess my question is this: do i force the words out, even though i feel so apathetic? will the words be good even though i’m pushing them out like pulling teeth?

or is this the best time to write, since i’m so emotionally removed from my work and i can theoretically go back through and edit ruthlessly?

 

anyway. if you’ll excuse me, i’m about to travel back to being five years old and dancing to this while watching cartoons.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. KFon permalink
    April 10, 2011 10:58 pm

    Push it. Push it real good.

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