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everything i write is shit.

September 27, 2010

hey this is going to be one of those blog posts and i’m sure that every major writer who has a public area (blog/handbook/soapbox) to express themselves has done this, and if they haven’t they are lying or margaret attwood.

i’m a TA for an intro to creative writing undergrad class here and i have to give a lecture – for an hour – on REVISION. my teacher made a good point when he said that “hey revision isn’t just revision it’s actually the writing process because you write your first draft and then every time you sit down after that you are writing and also revising.” great. can i base an hour lecture off of that? can i? i made a powerpoint presentation and half of it are quotes from writers about revising and wanting to kill themselves and the other half is pictures of writers insulting each other with speech bubbles above their heads. yikes.

anyway the point of that was to say that if i could give a lecture on revision AKA THE WRITING PROCESS it would go something like this: “you’re going to get drunk on cheap wine and whisky and possibly gin if you want to write death or break up scenes, you’re going to sob your eyes out when you write something real good and sad or when you realise that you are talentless, you’re going to put it off over and over again, you’re going to avoid it like it is your job, you might take years to do this, and every step of the way you are going to believe that you fucking SUCK at this thing you are doing!!! IDENTITY CRISIS.” oh and also sometimes you eat your brains out, which must be why lately i’ve been making creusets full of heavy cream macaroni and cheese with tomatoes yum.

lately EVERYTHING i write for my thesis feels like a load of S-H-I-T. and the funny thing is i restarted my thesis – 30000 words gone (but not deleted, don’t worry) after my adventures this summer. and i know that the restarting is right. it FEELS right. but now it’s like i’m verbally constipated or something – except for when i am writing sex scenes or death scenes, what the hell is with that? normal conversation between people is killing me. maybe i need to write more outlines? do you people write outlines? maybe i haven’t created my characters properly. the main female is obviously a hybrid of me and someone else (but i havent figured out who) so am i freaking out because i am writing part of myself into my story?

ugh.

do writers have thoughts on this? do non writers have thoughts on this? it makes me want to sleep for 10 hours a night and do nothing.

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