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change of the seasons.

March 6, 2010

poe took recordings of her dead father’s voice and wove them into her songs. her brother, mark danielewski, is a writer, and wrote house of leaves. the two siblings both mourned their father through their art. if you have to listen to a poe song, listen to “walk the walk.”

i realise it’s been a while, and there is a reason for that. i have “writer’s block.” my good friend emily says that “writer’s block doesn’t exist, and she doesn’t believe in it”, and that really got me thinking. i think she is right–her comment made me re-evaluate my conceptions of writer’s block. in my case, i theoretically could be writing, but i feel as though what i would be writing would be flat and leaden and matte and not phosphorescent as i want my thesis to be.

i’m trying, currently, to write a sex scene between two people who have different sexual orientations–one straight, one not–and it’s a difficult thing to do.

i guess my mind has been focusing on gender roles lately–“gender roles”–and the differences between the genders, the sexes, etc. i think a lot of it stemmed from the olympics. being here, in vancouver, when they happened–it was amazing. i truly enjoyed it. but i feel different now, and i think i just realised why.

i played ice sports for thirteen years of my life. 10 of those years were dedicated to ringette, which is, still is, always has been the love of my life when it comes to sports where i have to strap a pair of blades on. there was one year in between where i played ringette at a provincial level and hockey for my high school league, and where i was skating once or twice a day, 7 days a week. at one time, i trained briefly with a woman who worked with the leafs. it was non-stop. i then made the transition into just hockey.

i rarely pay much attention to the olympics but i watched almost every hockey game. i watched the women’s finals with relish. (i had more confidence in them and knew they would fly through the round robin). i watched the men’s games with excitement. all in all, i have never watched so much hockey in my life.

and i remembered. (by the way, skating is the closest thing you’ll get to flying without help of a machine or a device. keep that in mind next time you grouse because you don’t want to go to a public rink. there is nothing like it in the world.)

the point of this: i have been thinking about gender roles lately because i think that my androgens have been raised. i’m not kidding. it sounds stereotypical for me to jump to the conclusion that simply because i can appreciate/took part in/played/watched organised sports my levels of male hormones have been raised, but the truth of the matter is that androgen is linked to aggression, and those are aggressive sports.

maybe this is why i have a form of writer’s block. i am having trouble getting back into the mindset of my two main characters–a female, and a more feminine gay man.

right now i find myself wanting to play ringette again (this is something that hasn’t truly crossed my mind for years). i also considered roller derby, aggressive roller skating–and i truly, truly miss my women’s football (yes, as in tackling, blocking, american football) team from undergrad.

this really made me think about environment and how it affects writers. could i have stopped this? should i revel in it, and see if anything differently creative can come out of my more aggressive mindset? should i write what i think is crap for my thesis and see, later, if it fits? if it actually helps the story? if it is refreshing and jarring or yucky?

i blame martin brodeur for re-igniting my passion for hockey (players).

well, it all comes down to being able to write through (or around, or with) anything.

will keep you updated.


One Comment leave one →
  1. March 7, 2010 5:37 pm

    Write through it? Pathetic advice, coming from me, as I always drop projects as soon as I get trouble.

    And I don’t know if you need to worry too much about having masculinity come through in this scene. That might make it more interesting, and, if it doesn’t work, you can re-write at a later date. But nuanced complications make characters more realistic, right? Perhaps both characters would feel somewhat more masculine, anyway, consider who they’re sleeping with? (ie. guy sleeping with girl, therefore feels more conventionally masculine than when sleeping with another guy; girl sleeping with gay guy, therefore feels more masculine than when sleeping with straight guy.)

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